- The first thing you must remember if you feel that you’re being bullied is this: nobody has the right to bully you! Even if the bully tells you that it’s your own fault or that it was only a joke, it does not justify bullying you! Bullying is always WRONG!
- If bullying makes you feel useless, helpless or guilty, then know that this is exactly what the bully wants. This is the only way the bully can feel strong and important.
- Sometimes, the bully themselves has a problem or insecurity that they’re trying to hide by bullying others (e.g. children who are too harshly punished at home may take this out on others at school, to “make them pay” for the experience they had at home).
What should you do?
1. STAY CALM!
At first, you could try ignoring the bully. This works when the bully is still trying to see whether you can be bullied and made to lose your cool. This may not help anymore if the bully is already acting or even attacking you physically.
2. WALK AWAY!
If possible, walk away from the bully. Avoid situations and places where the bully usually attacks you or where there are no other people. Keep close to others, especially adults and teachers. The presence of other people may deter the bully. If bullying occurs on your way to school, think about whether you could use a different route to go to school and back home.
3. Tell them what you don’t like!
Tell the bully clearly and calmly that you don’t like what they’re doing and they must stop and do so using firm expressions such as – “Stop!” and “It hurts!”.
4. Respond with a joke or be smart!
For example, if someone calls you a cow, thank them for the compliment, as cows have beautiful eyes with long, dark eyelashes. A response like this usually confuses the bully. Humour is one of the most effective ways of disarming a bully, but it is also a difficult one. Victims of bullying may not always think of a good comeback. Talking to someone you trust may help you with this.
5. Tell someone about the bullying!
Find someone you trust, preferably an adult. Tell them what is going on. Telling someone about bullying is not snitching, but standing up for your rights! Talking helps understand a scary situation better and cope with difficult feelings. Other people can support you and help you figure out how to stop bullying only if you share your concerns with them. It is important that the person you decide to talk to respects your wish not to intervene without talking to you first. The people you decide to tell may react differently. If someone says to you: “It’s your own fault!” or “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! It’ll pass!”, then know that they’re not right! Sometimes adults are unaware of the real nature of bullying and its consequences. It is therefore good to also talk to the school psychologist or social pedagogue – they have been trained to help children who are the victims of bullying.
6. In the case of cyber bullying, save the messages and web posts of the bully,
hooeven though you want to get rid of the things that hurt you as soon as possible. This way, you can give the saved material to the police to stop the bully. You can also turn to the web constable for advice and help – it is their job to help children and young people stay safe on the Internet.
7. Call the child helpline on 116 111!
If there is no-one you can talk to about bullying, call the child helpline. They can help you and give you advice.
8. Inform the police!
You may have to inform the police in the event of a very serious case of bullying. You may do this yourself by calling the police on 112 or you can ask your parents or teacher to help you make the call. You should not be embarrassed about calling the police – all you are doing is standing up for your rights!
Useless or even harmful advice
People may sometimes give you advice that may not help you. For example: “Get over it!”, “It’ll pass!”, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”, “Bullying is normal, everyone is bullied!” or “Get back at them, don’t be a pushover!”. Suffering in silence and hoping that the bullying will simply stop is not a solution. Suffering for a long time will damage your health. Fighting back is a very dangerous solution – it only works if you are sure that you can beat the bully and have enough supporters. Otherwise, it can make bullying even worse, as the bully may be expecting you to fight back or use it to justify their further actions. It may also happen that you are the one who gets punished for unacceptable behaviour, not the bully.